Tony Porter and Ted Bunch have a mission: encouraging men to work to prevent violence against women. The pair founded A Call to Men, a national organization committed to ending violence against women because they believe men have a vital role in interrupting the cycle of violence that plagues families everywhere. Their organization set Charlotte, North Carolina, as the site of its 2006 conference, "A Call to Men: Becoming Part of the Solution to End Violence Against Women."Topics included: "Men as Allies in the Movement to End Violence Against Women"; "The Man Box: Challenging the Traditional Images of Manhood"; and "The Politics of Oppression," among a jam-packed workshop schedule. Porter and Bunch are both at work on books based on their work. In the articles that follow they offer a glimpse into the ideas that led to the creation of A Call to Men.

For many years, many dedicated people have made great efforts to end men's violence against women. The anti-rape and sexual assault community as well as the domestic violence community have been a tremendous change agent and have made remarkable progress in the effort to create safety, justice and fairness for women. Unfortunately, despite years of great effort, sacrifice and loss of life, the terror that women experience has not decreased. Men continue to get away with their violence, abuse, and intimidation, as well as their misuse of power for the purpose of controlling and dominating women. This is no reflection on those communities or any other effort for change. However, it is a reflection on men and the lack of concern that we as men have for most issues affecting women.

Domestic violence, rape and sexual assault are the most devastating health issues and social problems facing our society. There is no other problem, disease or illness that claims as many victims. In almost every case the perpetrator is a male and the victim is a female. No other crime or social ill has such a destructive effect on families, children, communities or the workplace as men's violence against women. For this reason, if for no other, it is vital that men become involved in the effort to end men's violence against women. Each man individually, and we as men collectively, must take a stand and own up to our responsibility to challenge other men and end the violence that we allow to be perpetrated against women in our communities.

If we as men choose not to become involved in ending our violence against women it is because we choose to remain invested in maintaining our privilege and advantage. Our privileges and entitlements can only come at the expense of women. Any violence, abuse or degradation committed toward a woman by a man supports the status of men as the dominating group while also reinforcing the oppression of women. There is no neutral position for men to take. We can either choose to become part of the solution or remain part of the problem. Our remaining silent about the abuses of other men is our way of giving men who assault and abuse our permission to do so. Our silence and our permission are synonymous!

Violence against women is a problem that each man must own and make a personal commitment to end. While some men are the perpetrators, all men are contributors to the conditions that allow violence against women to exist. It will not end until we, as men, decide that it will. It begins with our challenging our own sexism, privileges and beliefs. We must take ownership of the problem in order to create positive social change.

In addition to examining our views toward women (individually and collectively) we must also challenge our views and beliefs about each other. A major obstacle will be to confront our traditional male socialization and how it limits us and boxes us in. We must get out of the socially defined roles that sexism, patriarchy and male privilege provide for us. In addition, we must end our collusion with the violence, objectification and demeaning thoughts and behaviors that we as men engage in toward women. This will require that we address our fears and anxiety about stepping out of our defined roles and challenge the traditional images of manhood. The fear of being perceived as "soft" or "weak" is an obstacle for many men that stops them from challenging sexist attitudes and behaviors. Our conforming to traditional male socialization prohibits us from confronting the abuse and objectification of women by other men. This belief system negatively impacts men and women and the ways that we raise, educate, and socialize our boys and girls.

The moment we as men decide to fully accept and own our responsibility to end violence against women we will be on the road to social change. This will require courage, integrity, accountability to women and consistency through action. Women do not need for us to "rescue" or "save" them. What is needed from men is to act in appropriate and respectful ways toward women. If men are not violent and abusive, safety will take care of itself! Once we commit to this way of life, women will not need to worry about where they go, what they wear, or if they are safe. That will be the day when we, along with our sisters, have redefined manhood so that violence is not a part of being a man.

What is a "well-meaning man?"

A well-meaning man is a man who believes women should be respected. A well-meaning man would not assault a woman. A well-meaning man believes in equality for women and women's rights. A well-meaning man honors the women in his life. A well-meaning man, for all practical purposes, is a "good guy."

We don't need to beat up on well-meaning men, but instead to help them--help us--understand that with all our goodness, we have still been socialized to maintain a system of domination, dehumanization and oppression over women.

There are three key aspects of male socialization that have created, maintained and normalized violence against women:

1. Men viewing women as "less than"
2. Men treating women as proper
3. Men seeing women as objects

All three are major contributors to violence against women.

As well-meaning men, we must begin to examine the ways in which male socialization fosters violence against women. We must examine the ways in which we "keep" women in marginalized roles that enforce and maintain our male dominance. As well-meaning men, we must explore and challenge the ways in which we continue to perpetuate the myth that women are the "property" of their husbands and intimate partners. One of the principal reasons that domestic violence continues to be seen in many of our communities as a "private" issue is our belief as men that "she belongs to him." While we know it's not true, nevertheless, that myth is deeply embedded in our socialization.

As well-meaning men, we must unearth the roots of objectifying women. In a male-dominated society, an environment is created which overwhelmingly supports men's objectification of women--from the music and entertainment industry, to corporate America, to communities of faith and the street corner. We must acknowledge, own, and struggle with the change required to end this reality.

As well-meaning men, we must begin to examine the ways we separate ourselves from men who commit crimes of sexual violence and men who batter, while simultaneously giving them permission to do so. We make monsters out of them as a means of supporting our position that we are different from them. We pathologize their violence, blaming chemical dependency, mental illness, anger management, to name a few. We put a great deal of energy and resources into "fixing bad guys." But the "bad guys" operate in the same realm of sexism and violence as we "good guys." The only difference between them and us is that, at a certain point, we stop, while they cross the line into what "well-meaning men" define as illegal. The more attention we focus on them, the more we are able to maintain and strengthen our status as "good guys."