What about the vets?

Among the many men who walk through the doors of the Men's Resource Center for Change are soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. Some of these men have been ordered to attend our groups for men who act abusively in intimate relationships. We've been teaching men in these groups that there is never any excuse to abuse another person--and a lot more--since 1989. We give men tools to stop perpetrating domestic violence in their families; most returning vets are also haunted by deep complex problems.

These men need a lot more attention than a weekly two-hour, narrowly focused domestic violence prevention group can provide. Often husbands and fathers, by the time they've returned home, these war vets have been through a lot. As abhorrent as their abusive behavior toward their wives or girlfriends may be, they are burdened by the trauma of war. Many are suffering from post-traumatic stress. Even if some were previously abusive before heading overseas, how futile, and shameful, that their plight is now being left in too many cases to a weekly batterers' intervention group. Where are federal veterans' services? Shouldn't they be doing the heavy lifting? These men need in- and out-patient services, group therapy and individual counseling--along with support services for their families, employers and coworkers--to assist them on the arduous journey of healing. Batterer intervention groups can only play a small role.

Not long ago a longtime facilitator in our batterer intervention groups described for me the pain he is seeing every week in these hurting vets. They feel duty-bound, he shared, not to talk about what they did (or saw) in Iraq and Afghanistan, adhering to an oath of silence. They may be suffering in silence in group, but before they got there their numbness, feelings of helplessness, and stomach-burning anger had boiled over, scalding the safest person they could direct their rage at: their partner, often the mother of their children. While their abuse must be confronted--and it is--it also must be understood as a symptom of the stress and strain they brought back with them from Iraq and Afghanistan. Does the Veterans Administration even know of the incidence of vets in batterers' programs like ours? Shouldn't we demand the VA better coordinate its services so these men can get the help they need? And returning women serving in the wars need help, too; they're experiencing stress and emotional wounding same as their male counterparts. They also deserve complete and comprehensive services.

Meanwhile, the gut-wrenching war grinds on and too many returning vets feel ground down. Many citizens are working to end the madness; still, more of us need to sound the call for the U.S. to get out of Iraq. It is too much to expect a batterers' program to care for the complicated, wide-ranging emotional needs of our vets; it is also naïve to expect the Democratic majority in Congress to strengthen its backbone enough to end the war on its own. But it isn't hard to connect the dots from the Bush Administration's bankrupt war policy to its bankrupt vets policy for our psychically wounded military brothers.

Our rallying cry to end the war also must include the demand that we help our returning vets to heal. Isn't it time we proclaim more than just "Bring Our Troops Home" ? Shouldn't we also add "...and tend to their inner wounds, too"?

Rob Okun is executive director of the Men's Resource Center for Change.

Note to readers: The Veterans Education Project--which this year, like the MRC, is celebrating its 25th anniversary--has long been concerned with veterans' lives, as well as with the lives of young people contemplating military service. They recently inaugurated a support group for families with loved ones serving in the military. To learn more, go to their website, www.vetsed.org.