OutLines

On July 30, 2006, my partner of three years and I became each other's husband at Look Park in Northampton, Mass. Family and friends surrounded us and it was a wonderful, loving and caring expression of support from our two families and all of our mutual friends. The guest list included friends from Denver, San Francisco and Las Vegas.

Like every major life decision, my decision to propose marriage was a process, not an event. When I met my future husband online, it was the furthest thing from my mind. The Goodridge decision (which led to legalized gay marriage in Massachusetts) was in the courts and, being from Connecticut, I was not very focused on the issue as I felt that it had little or no impact on me.

On our first date, Northampton's Gay Pride March and Rally in May 2003, Allan and I marched together in the Pride Parade. A first for me! As so many people yelled hello to my "marching partner/date," I knew this guy was never going to be leaving the Pioneer Valley. He was just too connected to his community, and it became clear that if this relationship was going to go anyplace, the geographical focus of it would be in the Northampton area where he had spent the last 30 years of his life.

And so began a two-year history of commuting back and forth between Hartford and Northampton as our relationship progressed. I had a major event coming up, my only daughter's wedding in the Hartford area, for which I wanted to be living close by. This gave us an 18-month window before any decisions about moves had to be made.

As our dating continued beyond the one-year mark, many of my local friends and work colleagues asked if Allan would be moving down or I would be moving up to Massachusetts. I indicated that eventually I thought I would be moving to the Northampton area because of his community connections, and because I really loved the quality of life there. The vast majority of my Connecticut circle responded with something like, "Oh, you're moving to Massachusetts so you can marry?" My immediate reaction to that was, "No, I've done that once (indicating my past marriage to my ex-wife and now friend), and it's just not going to happen again!" I think I might have said, "No, that's never going to happen again."

Well, we all learn that on occasion we have to eat our words! And truly, they are the best words I have had to recant.

As our relationship grew and matured, I fell deeply in love with this kind, caring, affectionate and gentle soul. By the time the marriage of my daughter took place, my house was on the market and we were looking for a home in Massachusetts. This was clearly the guy for me, and my family's acceptance of him as my partner was unanimous. His family, similarly, welcomed me with open arms. I received numerous comments from friends and work colleagues about how much more "settled" and calm and comfortable with myself I had become in the recent months prior to our move.

I actually started to come out to a great many more people--not so much with the intent of doing so, but when the conversation led us in that direction. One of my business clients who did not know I was gay asked me who the "babe" was that got me to move to Massachusetts. I turned to him and said, "It's not a babe, it's a guy--and by the way, I am a gay man." He paused for a moment and said, "You know, I am one of 10 in my family and we have one of everything. It's not a problem for me!" There have been more of those positive moments since I met my partner than I can recount, and I feel blessed because of every one of them.

I share all this here, and in this manner, as it was a series of events over time that made me realize I wanted to marry my partner. He is a wonderful, caring and affectionate man committed to making our relationship work for both of us, and he is a spectacular communicator when issues arise. I had never been in a relationship before where communication had come so freely, and I was in two very long-term relationships prior to meeting my husband. Our mutual love and respect for each other, as well as the love and caring our respective families have shown us both, helped me to understand that I belonged with this man.

I wanted to be married to my partner, and the fact that he was another man was no longer a problem for me. I wanted to be at that place that earlier in my life I held in high esteem. While I understood that this marriage might be a problem for some members of my family, I also knew they had always loved me and supported me and that while they might not be as comfortable as I was with the concept of gay marriage, they would be there supporting me.

Now came the time to ask the big question. Would he say yes? On a crisp autumn night in October, we made plans for a "date" in Northampton. After purchasing a home together we had spent almost all of our spare time on renovation and updating projects, so a date was something that was novel and one we both looked forward to. We started out with a nice dinner and then decided to walk around Northampton and stop for drinks along the way. Our first (and last!) stop was the lounge in the old train station. I went to the bar and ordered a couple of beers while he went to find us some seating. Luckily a couple of chairs in an intimate corner opened up...and so did I. I returned with the beers, we toasted each other, and I popped the question. "I think we should marry," I said. "Would you marry me?" The answer was a resounding yes, and the rest is history.

The next step was to share the news with our families. The first to hear were my partner's daughter and her husband. They gave us each a big hug and were ecstatic for us. When we shared the news with my children they were equally excited. Out of respect for my ex-wife I shared our news with her and she was emphatic: "I love you both and I'm coming to the wedding!" We were blessed with unanimous positive responses.

Our wedding day this past summer was filled with the love with which we have been showered by family and friends in and out of the gay community. Our marriage is not only a sign of our love for one another; it is also a commitment to the cause: the cause of equal rights for all GLBT people and the right to marry whom one wants to marry. This has had another positive consequence for me: my political involvement in the fight for marriage equality and the effort to preserve this right in Massachusetts. We have been afforded an important right by the courts in this great state, and we all need to work to make sure that right is preserved. As a married gay man, I can tell you, the stakes are high.

Mitch Sorensen is the executive vice president of S & S Management Services Inc., in Bloomfield, Conn. He has two grown children. Mitch and husband Allan reside in Easthampton, Mass.