On October 15, Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney spoke at the annual "Liberty Sunday" gathering of the conservative Family Research Council, which is based in Washington, D.C. The Council decided to hold their meeting in Boston because Massachusetts is the only state that has legalized same-sex marriage. Romney told the audience, "Here in Massachusetts, activist judges struck a blow to the foundation of civilization--the family.... What [the judges] ignored is that marriage is not primarily about adults; marriage is about the nurturing and development of children.... Every child deserves a mother and a father." The following response is a slightly edited version of a commentary published in the Northampton (Mass.) Daily Hampshire Gazette on October 21.

Massachusetts held a constitutional convention on November 9 to decide on a constitutional amendment that would ban same-sex marriage. The convention adjourned without a vote; they will convene again in January. The MRC continues to support the right of gay and lesbian couples to marry.

Have you no shame, Governor?

It appears Mitt Romney has none when it comes to pandering to the Christian right, whether or not it insults and devalues hard-working families in his own backyard. I, for one, am deeply offended by his remarks Sunday, in which he denigrated any family that doesn't fit his definition: "Every child deserves a mother and a father," he said as he railed against the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court's Goodridge decision legalizing same-sex marriage in this state.

I'm offended not only because I honor and love many gay couples, both male and female, who have solemnized their commitment to each other since Goodridge. I'm insulted because of the way Mr. Romney has devalued people like my mother's two uncles, who raised her and her two sisters after they were orphaned early in the last century.

My mother was born in pre-revolutionary Russia, in what is now Ukraine. The Russian civil war broke out when she was eight years old and claimed the lives of both her parents--her father to typhoid fever and her mother to a Czarist bullet. The three girls barely escaped with their lives.

After coming to this country with relatives, they were taken in by two uncles who raised them, sometimes holding two or three jobs to support and educate them. My mother completed a bachelor's and master's degree despite the Depression, and went on to a distinguished career in social work. All three sisters grew up to be healthy, capable women who showed no sign of the trauma they'd suffered as children.

My uncles' efforts for their orphaned nieces were nothing less than heroic. Any notion that this was less than a worthy family is an outrage upon their memory.

I think of a friend who was widowed when her two sons were both under three years old. With the support of a loving family and a community of friends, she has raised them to young adulthood without remarrying. Are she and her sons any less of a family than one with a mother and a father? Mr. Romney, you offend the achievement of devoted parents like my friend and so many other widowed and divorced women and men who, by circumstances beyond their control, have had to raise children on their own.

You can't have it both ways, Governor. If you acknowledge my uncles' accomplishment in raising my mother and her sisters, if you honor my widowed friend, you can't deny the same to gay and lesbian parents who do just as good a job as any heterosexual couple in making sure that their children have all the advantages they can muster to become healthy, happy, capable human beings. If you are so concerned about the family, Mr. Romney, put your money where your mouth is and throw your support behind all families--whether of one or two parents, whether gay or straight--so that all children will grow up strong, well educated, ready to become responsible citizens like that woman so many years ago raised by a couple of bachelor uncles. Without those two men and many others like them, the world would have been a much poorer place. That's still true today: look to the parenting, not the label you put on the parent, if you want to support families.

And for the love of all that is holy, stop promoting hate in the name of the family.

Michael Dover, a former co-director of the Men's Resource Center for Change, is a volunteer and web manager for the MRC. He can be reached by clicking here.